As a person who has had physical issues since their mid-teens, I have always felt a little envious when I see people running marathons or hiking really long distances. In general whenever I see people doing anything that involves strenuous activity.

Although I do not have a chronic condition I have had bad knees since I was 15, severe flat feet, and back pain that likes to act up every so often. And to add insult to injury I’ve developed Lateral epicondylitis (tennis elbow) in both my arms. Between my knees and my feet, I have endured multiple surgeries.

Overall I feel older than my age on most days and it frustrates me, just a few short years ago I had so much more energy than I do now, when I see someone like Tom Brady who is literally my age do what he does it makes me feel like I’m failing.

And it’s not like I haven’t been more mindful of my body, I am trying not to overdo things physically, I even ice up my arms every night and try not to do too much heavy lifting, but I also feel no matter what I’m doing I am not improving at all. I know for example that treating tennis elbow is notoriously difficult and time-consuming but even after a year, I feel like it has not gotten any better.

While my feet are much better after surgery I still have some issues that I need to be mindful of. My quality of life after those surgeries has improved a lot.

My knees are a whole other story, I had surgery on one to keep it from dislocating when I was young but I am always fearful that my other knee will one day decide to go the same route. During Dragon Con when I participated in the Lantern Elves Procession I was reminded just how bad my knees are when we ended up walking up and down a couple of flights of stairs. For the next few days, my knees felt like they were on fire.

I tried to conserve my energy and activity as much as possible at Dragon Con to the point where maybe I was being a little too lazy but in the end, I still came home feeling like I overdid things.

And here is where my frustration sets in, I want to travel, I want to visit places that I know I would need to hike to or require sightseeing all day. I want to go on adventures and do things I’ve never done before (Not thrill-seeking things because I’m not into that).

Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough, do I need to eat better? or exercise more? Do I need to take supplements? Or do I just need to be patient with myself and learn that there are certain things that will never be the same again?